Xenonous: Foreign Mind
by elarielf
Summary: From cgkinkmemeii. PROMPT: Suzaku/Suzaku sex. With Lelouch watching and enjoying the show a bit too much. Just one of many fics I've written that explores Suzaku's broken psyche. M/M, explicit, voyeurism, dubcon-ish, self-cest


Lelouch had always suspected that Suzaku's mind was fucked up.

He just hadn't expected that he'd get this kind of proof after his death.

The Japanese (Lelouch had learned, after spending a boring few months floating around in Suzaku's subconscious) had a quaint notion of bonds; exemplified with a red string (of fate™) connecting two people together.

And nothing tied two people closer together than life and death. Even sex was a poor second place, which was fortunate, since Lelouch had very carefully never thought about Suzaku that way.

Of course, Britannian philosophy didn't have such romantic notions. Lelouch was slightly amused that the Japanese had this right.

Not overly amused, however, as that still left him floating around in Suzaku's mind after Suzaku killed him.

A mind which was, if you'll recall, fucked up.

"S-stop, don't…"

Lelouch sighed and looked away, not that there was much else to look at. When Suzaku's mind went to this place, there wasn't much brainpower used for anything else.

There was a joke in there somewhere, Lelouch was sure. He was just a little too distracted at the moment to think of it.

"Ah, that hurts!"

Lelouch grit his teeth and reminded himself that he had no excuse; no hormones floating around, no blood to rush to his loins, no _freaking _loins at all. If he'd been alive and corporeal, this might have been arousing, but he was above that now. Beyond it.

"Ah~ahn…"

"That's the spot?"

Lelouch changed his mind. Fucked up didn't cover it.

It wasn't just that Suzaku (dressed as Zero today, but that varied) was fucking Suzaku (in his old burnt orange military uniform, but that varied too), it was that he was never… well, _nice _about it. Lelouch had lived and died a virgin; having kissed a total of two girls (plus C.C.) and one boy (not thinking about that right now…), none at his own instigation; but he was pretty sure that sex generally involved more than throwing your partner down and sticking your cock into him.

Not with Suzaku. Suzakus.

It always started out the same. It wouldn't matter what Lelouch was doing, where in Suzaku's mind he was; he, and every other neuron and synapse, would be dragged into an off-white area with no ceiling or walls or floors, a captive (literally) audience to two seemingly random permutations of Suzaku.

Lelouch had only interfered once; when one of those permutations had been ten years old. There were things that even Suzaku's self-flagellation didn't allow. He'd been successful, but the other Suzaku had noticed him for the first time, leering and asking if Lelouch would take his place. Fortunately Suzaku, the real Suzaku, woke up right then.

Every other time, Lelouch had stood passively by and allowed it to happen.

The first few moves were as predictable as Suzaku was during a chess game. One of him would grab the other and kiss him roughly before pushing him to his knees.

This time, not overly surprising, it was Zero-zaku who was doing the pushing.

Lelouch had given all the different manifestations of Suzaku nicknames. He figured that Suzaku would resent it, so it made him feel slightly better about the whole thing.

On his knees, Private-zaku struggled momentarily, Zero-zaku's hand gripping his hair while his other hand freed his erection.

Another strange (fucked up) manifestation of Suzaku's psyche; his most hated selves were always better endowed. Lelouch could have a field day analyzing that, if he didn't spend most of his time and energy avoiding thinking about it.

This was where things left Lelouch's spectrum of experience and dove into Suzaku's (presumably).

Oral sex; again, not that Lelouch was an expert; was something Lelouch had always thought needed a consenting partner. After all, a simple muscle twitch and the aggressor would be regretting his decision for days, at least.

Apparently not.

Zero-zaku forced Private-zaku's mouth open, smiling down cruelly at him. Lelouch took a moment to wonder where the hell the mask had gone, then forgot about it as Zero-zaku forced his way past Private-zaku's lips, fucking his mouth.

Lelouch would have preferred softer words, but 'fucking' really applied in this case.

Private-zaku didn't have much choice but to take it (or bite, but the submissive Suzaku never did) as Zero-zaku held his head in place and thrust his hips hard and fast into his mouth. Lelouch hated this part, hated how he always sympathized with the submissive, his own gag reflex (which he didn't have because he was _dead_, why didn't that stop the nausea?) acting up in solidarity.

This was also the part where he'd start to get aroused.

There was something about Private-zaku's face (or whoever was submissive), eyes wide and cheeks tear-streaked, lips red and stretched over the moving erection, drool and other fluids seeping from the edges of his mouth… as much as Lelouch hated seeing him like that, hurting like that, it was…

God, it was hot.

There was something about the dominant Suzaku too, the way his cruel smile always melted into animalistic pleasure, the satisfied grunts and the wet sounds of his thrusts… He never came like this, but he always seemed on the cusp, like one more thrust could tip him over. While a large part of Lelouch wished he'd stop, a small part wanted him to thrust and thrust until he came, wanted to see that face relax in ecstasy and release.

It never happened.

What happened next could vary, but it usually involved some form of humiliation. Lelouch had watched various Suzakus beg, plead, admit to things, or sob at the feet of other Suzakus. This time, Zero-zaku was demanding confessions.

"You failed her."

"…yes."

Private-zaku's voice was rough from the blowjob, but still carried tremendous sadness. Lelouch looked away, all previous arousal gone.

"You failed him."

"…yes."

That always made Lelouch uncomfortable. Suzaku had performed his last task admirably and, if his other nightmares were any indication, had taken the mantle of Zero and worn it surprisingly well. At significant personal cost, of course, but that had been expected. As guilty as it made Lelouch feel, it was one of the inevitable results of Zero Requiem.

"You'll fail Nunnally."

At least that was in the future tense; Suzaku hadn't failed her yet. This was one fear that Lelouch wholeheartedly shared with Suzaku.

"…I'm sorry."

"You're weak." Zero-zaku sneered. "You're weak and you deserve this."

"…yes." Lelouch rolled his eyes as he mouthed that along with Private-zaku, tired of his predictable answers.

"On your knees."

Private-zaku turned and dropped his elbows and head to the floor, raising his ass up. Lelouch stopped pretending not to watch and allowed himself to enjoy the sheer strength as Zero-zaku literally ripped his pants off, the tatters falling to either side of the prone Suzaku. Lelouch suspected that Suzaku could do that in real life, just as easily.

Now that, unmarred with sympathy and shame, was just hot.

Knight-of-Zero-Suzaku always took off his gloves for this next park. Knight-of-Seven-Suzaku occasionally would, depending on his submissive. Zero-zaku never did.

The first finger had Private-zaku crying out and arching. Lelouch's ass usually tensed as well, although whether that was in sympathy or envy, he wasn't sure anymore and refused to directly consider. He watched Zero-zaku fuck Private-zaku with that thick finger, the black leather creaking and squishing with strangely alive sounds. The second finger ("S-stop, don't…") was usually when Lelouch started looking away, anywhere but at the two other bodies, or his own stiffening cock.

But there was never anything to look at, and the sounds…

"Ah, that hurts!"

Private-zaku wasn't holding back tonight. Lelouch refused to touch himself. He was stronger than that.

The turning point varied as well. Sometimes it would be quick, as soon as the dominant Suzaku had his finger in the submissive. Sometimes it wouldn't come at all, and the submissive would still be sobbing and shaking even after the dominant was done.

This time, it was before the third finger, quite early.

"Ah~ahn…"

"That's the spot?" Lelouch's cock jerked at Zero-zaku's smug question. Suzaku was Suzaku, how could he _not _know his own body?

Well. Fucked up. That was why.

"M-more please…" Oh. Begging. Lelouch closed his eyes and clenched his fists. Suzaku, any Suzaku, begging was just too…

"You like this, don't you, slut?" Lelouch let his eyes open a crack to take in Zero-zaku's delighted dark grin. "You'd do anything right now for it, wouldn't you?"

"Yes." Private-zaku was wide open; mouth, eyes, ass, everything. "Please, do it. Put it in. Take me."

…did Suzaku really talk like that during sex? Honestly, Lelouch doubted it; from either side.

"Just remember who's fucking you," Zero-zaku ordered, removing his fingers and thrusting in, completely sheathing himself in one sharp motion.

"Ah…" …that wasn't Private-zaku. That had been Lelouch. How long had his hand been down his pants, and he'd _sworn _he wouldn't do this, not again.

Fortunately, neither Suzaku noticed him. "Yes, that, h-harder…" Private-zaku pleaded. "Oh! Ah… hah… _hnn_…"

Lelouch gave up and worked himself, watching Zero-zaku fuck his younger self into the nonexistent floor. He tried to match his rhythm, but Zero-zaku was fast and hard and, oh, he was reaching around for Private-zaku's cock, that was so…

Out of the three of them, Lelouch came first. Private-zaku was at least a close second, with Zero-zaku thrusting into his limp body until he finally came.

Lelouch panted, trying to catch his breath (he didn't have lungs, why did he need to breathe again?) as Private-zaku, then Zero-zaku disappeared, their work done. Suzaku would wake up, sticky and somewhat confusedly ashamed, then go about his day with some of the tension he always carried with him released. That was the one comfort Lelouch took in this; that these fucked-up fantasies seemed to soothe and comfort the real Suzaku in some small way. That was one of the reasons Lelouch had never even tried to stop them.

Instead, he was in the position where he would have to continue his forced sojourn in Suzaku's mind until he could free himself, or Suzaku's mind was no longer present for him to be trapped in.

Oh well. At least he had Suzaku's next suppressed fantasy to look forward to.


End file.
